My Daducation

As I drove home from school with my five-year-old last week, we listened on the radio as they broke the story of the Somali pirates who had attempted the seizure of an American cargo ship, and instead wound up holding the ship’s captain hostage. For anyone who has read my blog in the past you already know my five-year-old is the youngest pirate in the world. Please take a moment to get acquainted.

Back? OK, we can continue.

So we are driving along and the story breaks across the radio. My five-year-old’s ears immediately perk up.

“Is he talking about pirates?!” he asks excitedly.

“Yep,” I respond.

He listens to the story. He doesn’t understand everything that has happened, but he does understand that they captured the captain.

“Did the pirates kill the captain?” he asks, breathlessly.

“No, they are holding him for ransom I think,” I say.

I look in the rearview mirror. A huge smile is on his face.

“What do you think they will do to the captain?”  I ask him.

“He’ll walk the plank and get eaten by sharks,” he says. This idea makes his smile even bigger.

I am growing a little uneasy.

“You know, buddy, ” I tell him, “the Navy is going to stop them. They might kill the pirates.”

“No, the pirates will get away,” he says wishfully.

We drive a little further. I am thinking about my little pirate. Will he grow out of this? Will he understand that pirates are thugs? Will he ever realize that chicks don’t date pirates?

He seems adamant about not brushing his teeth. After all , he tells us, pirates have green teeth.

He seems to only want to get in the bathtub to play with his pirate boats. No, he tells us, don’t wash me - pirates are dirty.

It gets worse as we have dinner that night and I ask him what he wants to do when he gets big like me.

“Be a pirate,” he says without flinching. In fact he is eating, and doesn’t even look up when he responds.

‘What did you expect him to say?” my wife asks. “By the way, the doctor called to confirm his appointment to implant his peg leg. I suppose that was your idea, wiseguy.”

“No, it wasn’t me,” I reply.

His phone privileges are officially revoked.

So what’s my next step? I believe I can take my chances that he will one day meet a nice girl and she will talk him into being a wall street trader or a politician. But then again are they any better???

Of course, I may be over-reacting. After all, they say the Somali pirates made over $100 million last year. I know I didn’t make that kind of money. Maybe he’s on to something.

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