My Daducation

Posts Tagged ‘fantasy football’

I don’t consider myself a rabid football fan. I follow the sport, I know most of the players by name, and I can usually give you a pretty good indication of which way to go if you are betting a game. In fact, I am not particularly interested in watching the Super Bowl. I find it anti-climatic. And since I am an Eagles fan I find the NFC Championship is anti-climatic. For 4 of the last 8 seasons. Let’s not go there.

The Coveted Fantasy Football Trophy

My wife would disagree with all of this. She thinks I watch football ALL THE TIME. However I have to point out that in order to watch games ALL THE TIME I would need to be watching them on Sunday afternoon. Which I rarely do. Sundays we are usually running errands or going to my in-laws. So watching an entire game is impossible. I may catch 10 minutes here or there, but that’s it.

The problem is the 24-hour sports news cycle. Between ESPN, NFL Network, and Comcast Sports Network I can catch up on football at anytime. So I do. A lot.

I may end up watching the same sets of highlights four or five times in order to get any additional info I may have missed.

So why would I bother with the constant watching of the same sportscasts over and over? I’ll tell you. I have a disease. It’s called Fantasy Football.

Thankfully, fantasy football has been over for several weeks. Well, not really. There is a draft in April to prepare for. Life is semi-normal now. However, my family is definitely wondering what the hell they are going to do about it next season.

The thing is its kind of pathetic. Fantasy Footballers are regular guys who create a league on the Interweb where each can own a football team and draft players, living out the FANTASY of being a real football GM. Each team then matches up each week and points are tallied based on the real players actual performance on the field. Wins are determined by the greatest accumulation of points by the team. I usually lose.

Imagine me explaining this to my 8-year-old and my 5-year-old. This happens one day when I am screaming at my live stat-tracker.

“What are you so mad about?” the 8-year-old inquires.

“I started the wrong running back today. I thought Gore was injured,” I say.

“Started him? Started him how?” he asks, confused.

“I made this football team online where I pick real players and I get points when they do well,” I explain.

“Why?”

“To win the game,” I say.

“No, I mean why would anyone want to do this?” he asks.

“Don’t you have chores to do or something,” I ask, perturbed at the fact that he doesn’t see a football genius at work.

“So it’s not a real team?” he asks.

“No.”

“Does Mom know you do this?”

“Yes.”

“Come on,” he says to his brother, “he’s gonna hog the computer all day. Let’s go to the garage. I have this book that shows you how to blow stuff up.” I think he is kidding.

The fantasy football business comes to a head as I am offered a trade. I am cruising for the first pick in the draft next season, and the other owners want to see if they can pry it away from me. The trade is interesting. Interesting enough that I agonize over it for days. My wife is completely disinterested.

“What should I do?” I ask urgently.

“Rub my feet,” she says.

“No, I mean about the trade.”

“You need help,” she informs me.

“I know. That’s why I’m asking you.”

“I mean professional help.”

Obviously I can’t count on her. As it turns out I negotiate better terms for the trade and make the deal. She is not impressed with my negotiating skills.

“Since you’re so busy with fantasies, why don’t you and your friends work on getting raises at work,” she asks. Smart aleck.

I’m not sure the family can tolerate another year of obsessive fantasy GM Dad. Maybe I could just call it quits. Maybe I could find another outlet. Maybe….

Nah. I have the first pick in the draft.